Ritchie Coote, man.'s Journal [entries|friends|calendar] Ritchie Coote, man. [ website | . ] [ userinfo | insanejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | insanejournal calendar ]

18. [09 Dec 2009|06:02pm] Sasha? Andrew? Ginny? Polly's here, I love her, but I hate hospitals, man. That man exploded. I think I did that. I don't remember. Seamus? That man exploded. The healers said my head was hurt. It does hurt. So do all my scars but I remember those. I need to write more music, I think. Polly's here, I love her. I'm glad she's here. But I hate hospitals, man. That man exploded. I think I did that. That man exploded. I think I did that. 37 comments|post comment

17. [30 Nov 2009|08:05pm] [Warded to Dre Polly, Sasha, Seamus, Bianca, Mona, Vicky, Ginny, Hannah, Morag] How do I get help? Like, real help? I want that help, I think. I've been better lately, the music thing really really helped. I've been playing the piano more. And my guitar. Even working on a song. But I still can't go a day without more than I'm supposed to have. I thought I'd run out this morning and nearly had a panic attack again. I snapped at my dad. Told him to shut up. That's not me, man. But I don't know how to be me without the potions, y'know? But it's because of needing the potions that makes me act like that. Especially now that Andrew- I feel like I'm just bloody broken or something. Like, I can tape myself back together for awhile, but then I get tossed around a bit too hard and fall to pieces all over again. I don't know how to do this because I need something for the pain, but I can't- I can't be that guy. I don't want to be that guy. I've had plenty of chances to try pills or harder stuff, but I never did because I know I'd probably like it a bit too much and I didn't want to be that junkie that my mum always thought I'd end up being, but now I am anyway and didn't even fuc realise it. I don't think I'm strong enough to not have them, though. It's never going to go away - the scars. It feels like I'm lying on a stove when they start to wear off. So I just- When I went through detox, they had me sort of sedated, and used all these salves and actual charms but it only helped enough so that the sheets didn't make me feel like ripping at my own sk I was half on-fire. I'm such a downer these days, man. You guys keep me going, though. I love you, y'know? You deserve better than downer-Ritchie. So I want to fix it, or... something. 30 comments|post comment

16. [09 Nov 2009|01:53pm] [Warded to Polly - Failed] Dear Polly-Love, I know I see you every day and we sleep together every night, but I just wanted to remind you how much I love you. I know you don't wanna be numb to all this because that's a scary feeling, and it's kind of odd that I do want to be numb and sometimes I wish we could trade emotional brains, y'know? You're so strong, and tough, and such a lovely person and friend, and I think you bloody well deserve that Order of Merlin, man. If not plenty more just for putting up with me this whole time. It's kind of funny, we were friends in school but not like best mates really, but now I can't imagine a day without you there when I get home, y'know? I've lost a lot of people I love: Demelza, Colin, my Mum, Ruby, and Andrew, and it's crushed me and put a lot of bad mojo in my head and I wish I knew what to bloody do about it, but even after all that, the idea that I might be hurting you because of how- I dunno. Because of how I am now? You shouldn't have to take care of me, man, you've got Nicky, and I've got Jill and my dad, but you're too good to just let me deal with it all alone. I love Sasha, and Seamus, and Bianca and Mona, and Ginny and everyone who's being real supportive for me, all in different ways and different times, but I wanted to let you know no matter what we've got something special, because they only see me sometimes, when I go out, or when we invite them over, or at work - but you have to deal with me nearly 24 bloody 7 and I don't know how you do it. You're an amazing person, and I know I don't laugh or smile like I used to anymore so I wanted to make sure you knew how much I like being around you, even if I don't act like it sometimes because I get confused, or high, or overwhelmed. That's not really fair to you, but you've seen me when I'm not myself, seen me run out of breath, seen me cry, and yell, and act like nothing's ever going to be better or like I've got nothing to live for and that's got to hurt. I don't want to be that person, love, I just- You're one of the things I've got to live for, okay, and whatever else happens, I'll keep trying for you, y'know? And if you ever need to cry or yell or act like the world's gonna end, promise me you'll still come to me, okay? I might not be good for much lately, but I can still hug, and sing, and shag be whatever you need me to be, because you deserve that much. Especially after everything you've done for me. Peace & Love to you forever, Ritchie 60 comments|post comment

15. [03 Nov 2009|08:59pm] [Warded to Bianca Spinks] I think I need help How are you? 11 comments|post comment

14. [25 Oct 2009|08:11pm] karma andr i give up. 24 comments|post comment

[05 Oct 2009|12:25pm] Warded to the MWP: Hey, all. Greetings from the creatures-induced injuries ward from me and Andrew. We'll both be here a couple days or so yet, but we're recovering and all. As much as I'm really not feeling hospitals pretty much ever again, the Healers are doing their best, y'know? I'm feeling pretty wretched and sore, but it's not that bad relatively. I got chewed on lots by these krups, man, that Death Eater really enjoys transfiguring and bending animal rights just to do his dirty work. Not on. I think I killed one How's Bianca? She was with me. She tried to save me, and she did, really, when I think about it. I probably would have just stood there like a spacecase watching the bloke try a hit off my a joint and fail brutally at it before he y'know. Is she okay? He did a number to her leg, and she fell from a balcony. I passed right out before I could take her anywhere, but I assume if someone was brilliant enough to drag me out of there, they got her too. Sasha? Polly? Ruby? Ginny? Seamus? Lemme know, y'know? My knees still healing, got all thrown out and my face has got more scars to heal but they're not like the other kind, thank the all-mighty spirits, man. I think Andrew and I can have visitors now. He got stabbed He's a bit worse off than I am, but he'll be alright. Let's not ever do that again. Fighting in two battles is plenty for this pacifist, man. Ungroovy. And thank god for pain potions. 26 comments|post comment

12. [02 Oct 2009|01:45am] Warded to Andrew, Polly, Sasha, Ruby, Seamus, and Ginny: Hey, lovelies. I should have written this sooner, but I wanted to kind of let things chill out, and I felt like I had to address the "public" and everything. I dunno. I'm kind of... I've got stuff I wanna say, y'know? But it's hard to figure what all- Look. I know you've all said I don't need to apologize, but I do, man. That wasn't cool, what I did, and it was a completely ungroovy, stupid accident. I've been on pain potions for a long time now, and it takes a lot more these days to numb up my skin enough that I can just, deal with it, I guess. I'm really not great at pain and stuff I mean - you know I can't handle that is, I'm really kind of a weakling when it comes to this stuff? And I don't mean to make excuses, man, at all, I just - you remember when I was on the Quidditch team for a spell. A beater? Man, I was mental for that. I would get light-headed seeing anyone so much as get a bloody concussion, let alone getting anything done to myself. The potions have helped a lot. They're also brilliantly like being high a lot of the time, which y'know, I'm used to so no big deal, but when my mum when I heard about her I just the potions help me kind of forget about things a lot. or not care as much. so I thought I'd just take more to help me deal with mum's ab de death. Just for a bit, y'know? Just to help Jill through it cause she was really really close to Mum, when I just fought and argued with her for the last few years and all. I was never good enou Well, I just-I accidentally took too much. Like all of it I was an idiot, I know, Bianca's told me as much and I see it now and all but I didn't know what to do, man, and I still don't. So yeah- I don't know what my point is really. I guess I feel like I owe everyone an explanation and all. Even if you don't think I do, I know I should, and I won't let it happen again, lovelies. I'm on some different salves and potions now because I can't handle still have the scars but I'll be more careful. I'll never take that much at once again. I promise. And shit, I am so, so sorry. I don't feel like I've been a very good mate lately, either. Seamus, you want to have a pint sometime or something? And Sasha-love, I haven't seen you properly in ages. We had all these summer plans that we never really got around to. I know we're working for the Man and all, but if there's anything you wanted to do still while it's not freezing out, let me know, doll. Polly, I've asked Dad about a restaurant and he had a couple brilliant ideas. What day do you want to that next week? And thanks for... well I've said it already. But you're fantastic. Ginny, Ruby, and Drew? Thanks for being there for me when I found out she I knew there were other people who needed help too, and I just bloody love you guys so much. I'd never do anything intentionally to lose you lot or hurt you, y'know? Man. I need to start writing music again. 8 comments|post comment

11. [21 Sep 2009|08:39pm] Warded to MWP: Er... is this thing working right? Oh there it goes. Um... I dunno. I'm awake. Have been mostly since yesterday. Had a look at the pages an' all and it's right nice all the well-wishing you guys gave me. Makes this a whole lot - ow, hell - easier to deal with. I wish I could say what happened, man, I didn't mean to do it. I've been answering all these questions since I woke up and they're worried I have a problem, but I don't, y'know? I just- they help. They make my scares not hurt and they can make my brain or heart or whatever not hurt some too, so after M-Mum, I thought if I just took a bit more I could handle it better, y'know? Jill was freaking out and I wanted to be there for her and everyone else and- I dunno. I fucked up. I'm getting out in the morning, I guess, which is nice. I want to go home. I feel like I woke up from my coma all over again but - aaagh - it's Yeah. I just wanted to say thanks. Really, lovelies. I can't say how-how much it means and all. 'msorry, I'm not very good at this when I'm not - shit - heh, going cold turkey here so Yeah. I'll be alright, I think. Peace & Love 37 comments|post comment

10. [17 Sep 2009|11:20pm] huh. my mum is dead too. 54 comments|post comment

9. [10 Sep 2009|10:53pm] ANDREW? POLLY?! Seamus? Dean? Polly isn't home yet and I heard on the news tonight - hell - are you guys okay?! Has anyone seen them, man? Who else was there? Has anyone heard? Edited a half hour later: Polly and Andrew are in quarantine. They're supposed to get better, but they're really really sick. Bloody hell. 21 comments|post comment

8. [21 Aug 2009|09:10pm] Warded to Hufflepuff '98, '99 + Neville, minus Hannah: Can someone go keep Hannah company and help her with the owl? She doesn't want to bother anyone, but she's pretty upset. I'd go myself but - I've got this mess here and, yeah. Ungroovy. 2 comments|post comment

7. [21 Aug 2009|06:29pm] I think I'm going to be sick. 51 comments|post comment

6. [10 Aug 2009|04:52pm] Polly- where's my potion? Did Nicky take it? You know, the light blue one. If he hid it, that's not on, man. eta: 5 minutes later C'mon, love, help me out here, this isn't funny. eta: 10 minutes later I bloody need it, please This is so ungroovy. 24 comments|post comment

5. [31 Jul 2009|11:54am] Warded to Polly, Sasha, Andrew, Demelza, Ruby, Geoff, Colin, Jack, & Ginny: Polly-love and I discussed ditching work for a day awhile back. We're allowed our personal days, y'know? We can just call in sick, we all work in different departments and all anyway, yeah? It'll be fun! Then we could all come back and chill out at my place, although it's not very big and my dad is there a lot, but, he wouldn't mind as long as he saw I was gone all day. I just want a day out. Will's party will be great and all, but I miss you lot, y'know? Should I invite Vicky or you think she'd have a problem with it? I normally would, cause she's one of us an' all, but I don't want her to go an' tell the establishment. What about Monday or Tuesday? 9 comments|post comment

4. [01 Jul 2009|12:28pm] .:Warded Private - Failed:. This last week was going so well, man. I'd hung out with Ruby and Andrew and all a couple weekends ago and even though they were sick as all hell, I was able to do something for them for once, which was actually really nice. I've felt all sorts of ruddy useless since waking up a month late to the game - and y'know, I never realised how much a month makes a difference. I woke up and it was like everyone was cool already but I was still laying in that Mungo's bed just wondering what the hell was going to happen now. Man, I was wondering what exactly had happened then. So yeah, I thought I was finally feeling normal, besides the whole bloody scary testifying. I don't really much remember the trial at all, I remember making my way to the Ministry then I remember waking up after a nap I must have taken afterward. I don't really know what I said, and I vaguely remember seeing their faces again, but I didn't much feel a thing which was relief. So then there were the boycotts, which, man, how groovy was it to actually stand up to the Man and protest? People getting arrested for what was meant to be peaceful protest... sometimes I feel like that's what it was all about all along. Protecting our rights and all, and the rights of any blood, race, gender, sexuality... Again, I felt like I was doing something. And it's been good to play a bit more guitar again too. So that's a happy sort of entry, right? Full of things getting better and feeling like I'm making a groovy sort of difference in the world but then this morning I was at work and all these people from reconstruction are there and I don't know if it just upset what little bit of balance I've managed to hang on to lately or if it was the thought of Hogwarts again or if it was that tripping up two stairs made me hurt so bloody much I wanted to cry - I just thought of Dems and I can't- I don't want to be getting on perfectly fine without her because I'm not, I'm the complete opposite of fine because what kind of world lets a war like that happen- she was right there with me, man, then we got separated for not even an hour and I was out and I let this happen to her and myself and it terrifies me that all I could do was lie there and wish it would stop hurting because I'm not like Ginny-gin and Polly who're tough, I just- I can't- I'm at work. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to go home. I want my medication because those stairs hurt and now it's not numb enough, so I guess I took the potion too early. I don't know how I can go back out there right now. Maybe I just need five minutes. Or more. This is too heavy, man. I just want to forget any of it ever happened. 13 comments|post comment

3. [10 Jun 2009|02:46am] .:Warded to Sasha Roper:. So, Polly and her li'l brother might be moving in when Dad and I move to London. That way Jill and Mum can still visit a lot and I'll be close to work and all of that groovy business... Dad can easily work from wherever. And basically my potions are starting to wear off and it's kind of painful, y'know, but it made me miss you. And Hoggies. and Demelza. I had a scare last nig How're you doing, lovely? 15 comments|post comment

2. [09 Jun 2009|08:37pm] .:Warded to Polly Sands:. Hey, Polly-lolly... in hypothetical-land, what would you say if I said you and your brother should come live with me and my dad when we move into our new flat? Would The Man allow that? I mean, y'know, you'd have to deal with my mum's bitch-visits and my sister Jill every so often and sometimes I have bad dreams that sound... unpleasant, but I miss you and everyone else in our dorm and I think it's ungroovy for you and your bro to be shoved off with some foster home when you've got mates who enjoy your lovely company as much as we do, yeah? May not be as cool as a houseboat but Anyway. Just a question that can easily stay in hypothetical-verse, and hey, if you're liking your new home already, no point in you up in moving again. 3 comments|post comment

1. [01 Jun 2009|12:56pm] .:Warded Private:. It's weird, going out and about again. I always feel so stiff these days. Guess the physical therapy's doing me right though, or I'd have never made it out of bed for a whole day. The Wizenmagot's not my ideal place to help the free world and all, but then I look at the alternative's, I'm not really surprised I got put here. I'd be rubbish at the Educational Assistance things as I never paid much attention in school, they probably didn't want me working anywhere near Mum, which I guess I'm thankful for - after having a year away from her and Jill, it's enough of a shock just seeing them every day at home again, let alone at work. I don't think I was deemed physically or mentally able to do the Hogwarts Reconstruction thing, even though that seems the most productive. I couldn't go back there. I don't think I'll ever go back, even if it's all new and shiny for my supposed seventh year. I'm not going to need NEWTs anyway, and I can't go back to where people died. I can't believe Demelza and Colin are just... What's worse? All of this awful rot news I've gotten since waking up, who died, who'll never speak or hear or walk again? I cried a whole lot for two days. And then I stopped. This shit's better than spliff.:End:. So, uh, it's Ritchie. I'm up and about, for anyone who was wondering and I haven't had a chance to get in touch with. Been staying with Mum and Jill at their flat, and Dad's over here most of the time too. Weird being in London every day instead of Oxford or Hoggies, but it's kind of nice being in the middle of it all. Especially being out of it all for so long. If anyone wants to come by for a visit, just let me know. My mum's not as groovy about the random arrivals as Dad always is, but she probably wouldn't mind me socializing and the like. I'll have to get Jill to take me into the city some day this week. Wizenmagot orientation was kind of boring today, but then again I don't really pay attention a whole lot in that setting. Maybe something exciting happened and I was staring out the window like a git. Anyway, time for therapy. Wonder what I'll be enlightened about today. Oh yeah - Peace & Love, Ritchie 11 comments|post comment

bio. redemption... [01 Jun 2009|12:17pm] ( I dreamed I saw a mighty room. The room was filled with men and the paper they were signing said they'd never fight again... ) post comment

.:10:. [01 May 2009|07:05pm] .:Warded Private to Ginny Weasley:. I think I finished... yesterday was a real eye-opener, man. And I'm out of weed. Was writing all evening. Chains & Shackles Life is a Dream Song Intro - 2 bars? (F)(C) Verse 1: (C)You say life is a dream where we (G) can't say what we mean (Am)Maybe just some (G)roadside scene (F)that we're driving past (C)There's no telling where we'll be * in a (G)day or in a week (C)If And there's no (G)promises of peace (F)or of happiness (C)Well is this why you cling to (G)every little thing (Am)And pulverize and (G)der-range all your (F)senses (C)Maybe life is a song but you're scared (G)to sing along (C)Until the (G)very (F)ending Chorus: (G)Oh, it's (Am)time to let (G)go of every(F)thing we used to (C)know (Am)Ideas that (G)question strengthen who we've (F)been (Am)It's time to break cut (G)ties that won't (F)ever free our (C)minds (Am)From the chains (G)and shackles that they're (F)in Verse 2: (G)Oh, tell me what good is (C)saying that you're free In a (G)dark and storming sea (Am)You're chained to your (G)history, you're (F)surely sinking fast (C)You say that you know that the (G)good Lord's in control (C)He's gonna bless and (G)keep your tired and (F)oh so restless soul But at the (C)end of the day when every (G)life price has been paid (Am)You're gonna rise and sit (G)beside him on (F)some old seat of gold And (C)won't you tell me why you live like (G)you're afraid to die (C)You'll die like (G)you're afraid to (F)go Chorus (2) - Vocals octave up? (G)Oh, it's (Am)time to let (G)go of every(F)thing we used to (C)know (Am)Ideas that (G)strengthen who we've (F)been (Am)It's time to cut (G)ties that won't (F)ever free our (C)minds (Am)From the chains (G)and shackles that they're (F)in (Am)From the chains (G)and shackles that they're (F)in Interlude: (Gm)(Dm)(Gm)(Dm) (Gm)(Dm)(Gm)(Dm) Verse 3: Well (C)life is a dream 'cause we're all (G)walking in our sleep (Am)You could see us (G)stand in lines like (F)we're dead upon our feet And we (C)build our house of cards and then we (G)wait for it to fall (C)Always forget how (G)strange it is just to (F)be alive at (C)all [song copyright Patrick Park] post comment

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